Query help

I'm seeking help on my query over at the Public Query Slushpile. I'd appreciate critiques and comments here: my query.

I came up with a new (working) title yesterday, A PROFUSION OF WANT. It's got a couple of possible meanings, which I like.

I also started editing the first draft, which is more fun than I remembered. On the other hand, I've always been good at line edits--it's the big picture edits that drive me crazy.

I'm going to see a Mariners game today! We're playing against Baltimore. I haven't really been a Mariners fan in years but Safeco Field always gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

Here's a picture of the PUs (parental units), a friend of mine, and me at a Mariners game from a looong time ago. No, I'm not a baseball player! I'm the second from the right in the front row: